how to hide a dildo
After purchasing a dildo online, and waiting anxiously for a week, I successfully intercepted the package and snuck it safely into my room without my parents finding out.
I then realized I faced the problem of needing to hide it!
I searched around online for some help with this, but couldn’t find anything particularly useful.
So here is my own list of recommendations:
1. Trashcan: No one likes taking out the trash, especially if the trashcan is located in your bedroom. Parents figure that you should be responsible for your own trash, or at least be able to add it to the trash in the kitchen! This one is easy, effective, but takes a little extra bit of commitment. Place your dildo in a paper bag and squeeze out all extra air from the bag. Proceed to wrap this bundle in some old newspaper in a manner that suggests that this is merely more trash and not a dildo (if anyone stumbles across it they are likely to throw it away, but at least they are less likely to discover your secret). Place this precious bundle at the bottom of your empty trashcan. Use a plastic bag with ties (prefferably the kinds of bags you get at shoe stores in the mall) in the trashcan and tie it off as tight as you can. This bag should not be removed with normal trash. Place ANOTHER plastic bag in the trash can, this one the cheap grocery store kind. throw away some bulky trash like crumpled paper to disguise the hidden treasure, and you’re set! Just proceed to throw away trash in the topmost bag, and no one will know.
Tip: keeping your trashcan half empty will usually keep parents from taking out your trash for you, and thus keeping risk of discovery to a minimum.
2. Bedframe: If you have a matress on a box spring, you are a lucky girl. For this one you’ll need duct tape, a small box, a flashlight, and a knife. Place all of your supplies on the floor under your bed (if you don’t have a frame) and lay on the floor. Use your knife to cut a slit in the fabric under your box spring matress. Place your dildo in the box (wrapping it in newspaper works too) and place the box in the slit. push the box AWAY from the slit, off to the side some in case the slit it noticed. Rub your duct tape on the carpet or a towel a bit to minimize the adhesiveness of the duct tape, then proceed to tape the slit shut.
Tip: Do this when no one is home.
Risk: Make sure you find a new temporary spot for your toy if you pack up furniture to move. It would be very awkward if your box tumbled around inside during the moving process and it was discovered.
3. Under drawers and dressers: You usually let trash accumulate under these areas, so why not use it as a stash? Wrap your toy, and simply pull out the bottom-most drawer in your dresser or desk and place it in there towards the back. There is usually an inch or so of space between the bottom of the drawer and the bottom of the dresser, so this is recommended for toys of the smaller variety. Some dressers feature small cutouts, specifically for peeking under. THESE ARE GREAT! EASY ACCESS!!! Simply place the toy all the way to one side, where visibility is minimal. For instance, my computer desk is in a corner, such that you must sqat on the right side of the opening to look in. I can see all the way to that back, and the entire left side, so place the toy on the right, near the front, behind the part that isn’t cut out.
tip: don’t do this if you share your dressers with anyone.
4. Inside shoes: Wrap your toy in newspaper and place inside your rattiest shoes that you don’t wear and no one borrows. Continue stuffing shoe with newspaper and do the same for the matching shoe. Put shoes in a duffle bag or bin with other shoes and you’re totally safe.
tip: this looks best if all of your shoes are stuffed.
Risk: if placing inside a duffle bag or bin, be sure that not all of those shoes are junk, or you risk them getting tossed in the trash, with your toy lost to you forever.
5. In a Pringles can: Under the pretense of being tired of everyone eating “your food” start a food stash in your room. Buy a can of Pringles and eat them all. Place your wrapped toy in a clean empty can of pringles, and hide it well.
Risk: Someone may want to steal your food. Minimize this by buying the nasty flavor.
6. Under the matress: its a tad cliche but still worthy of mention.
7. Very high closet shelf: Almost everyone has a shelf in their closet. If its a high shelf packed with musty winter blankets, you’re in luck. Simply fill a box with some old books or magazines, clear up a space for the box and stick it up there. Then, place your wrapped toy behind the box (or in it!)
Tip: This isn’t a good idea for shelves that are not of a solid material.
Risk: A family member may want a blanket when it starts to get chilly during the fall and dislodge your box of books. And after those books come tumbling down, there’s your toy, out in the open, in all its silicone glory.
8. Inside a book: We’ve all heard stories of people hiding things inside old encyclopedias by hollowing out a square amongst the pages. Why not take a page from their book (wow what a horrible pun!)
9. Behind furniture: wrap your toy and tape it behind furniture like a bomb taped under the seat of a bus.
Tip: Only do this with furniture that doesn’t get moved around much, like your bedframe, your workstation, or big wardrobes.
Risk: Someone may be able to peak in at the gap between your toy and the wall and spot it.
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