Confession #171
i’ve kissed 3 men since we’ve been married. i thought i was falling for two
of them. after realizing that it was only you i wanted, i stopped what i was
doing. you still dont know about it. and i will never tell you. because i
have a feeling you’ve done the same thing. and i can only hope that you
realized the same thing i realized and stopped what you were doing.
Confession #172
I find you repulsive. If you have a drive to take care of your family, perhaps you would be having more sex, big boy…
Confession #173
Remember when you took me out for our second date to the movies? While the credits were rolling I said, “Thank you”, not “I love you” like you thought because you looked surprised and said, “I love you too”. So when you tease me by saying, “You told me you loved me first and only after two dates”, like I was so desperate and needy, you’re just being an ass. I just never told you the truth. And I wasn’t in love with you then.
Confession #174
I think about my exes. A LOT.
Confession #175
I hate being your wife. I’ve given you so many chances to get your act
together. I’m tired of being patient & stupid. I’m still here because you
took away the car keys so I can’t make a midnight escape with the baby.
That & you threaten to take the baby away from me & I know you & your family
would do it. I’m stuck. For now.
Confession #176
I would give just about anything if you would (a) plan
something fun for us to do w/o being prompted by me,
and (b) notice when a chore around the house needs to
be done and not wait for me to ask you. You don’t
realize that the resentment I feel about these two
issues is severely eroding our relationship.
Confession #177
I rarely let you get up with the baby anymore. It’s not worth it. Because the 20 minutes of sleep you lost transfers into 3 hours of crankiness that I just can’t tolerate. So I get up myself-after 5 minutes, I’m over it. You should get over it, too. You helped create her, so stop treating her like an inconvenience.
Confession #178
my husband sucks in bed and has made no attempt to try to get better. I am angry about it.
Confession #179
I have porn videos, even though you hate them. Whenever you spend the night at the shore with your buddies, I always get so inwardly excited because I get to watch them, ALONE!
Confession #180
Sometimes I hate you. Mainly because of your refusal to do more than the bare minimum to interact with and entertain our kids. You think you are a good dad and husband because you change a few diapers and occasionally take ONE kid somewhere with you. I am with these kids 14 hours per day while you work. On your days off all you do is sit in front of the computer or playstation, while I run around in circles trying to keep the two-year-old and five-year-old busy. You are always on the prowl for a way to leave the house and go have some beer with your buddy. You are so exhausted you sleep through the kids getting up, but yet you are ready to go for sex. And you wonder why you never get any.
Tags: stupid funny, funny short jokes, dirty funny, funny sayings, funny emails
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