We set up our cons and I get drunk
This is Staci. It’s the photo she sent me in that last email. If you Google phrases from her first email — medical humanitarian nurse — you’ll find this photo attached to other rental ads she’s responded to around the U.S. I wish I could make out the digital stamp in the lower right-hand corner so I could see where she stole the image.
This is where I decide to mention poetry for this first time and where I introduce a phrase I’ll use again and again: “I need to make sure that we have a artistic connection before you move in.” I’m not surprised when Staci blows off the request. That’s because she’s too busy setting up the crucial part of her own scam. She tells me she’s going to be sending extra money for me to pay the shipper when he shows up at my house with all her stuff.
And then I decide to get drunk. It’s a risky step, but I’m hoping I can accelerate things. By drunkenly dangling money in front of her I’m hoping we’ll get to the poetry part quicker. Not only will she get my money, she’ll be getting a check from some foundation as well. I may have gotten a little too drunk. When I see I may have freaked her out, I backpedal.
5 emails
from ———— <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin
date Thu, Feb 28, 2008 at 4:34 PM
subject Re: Reply asap
I am still in Texas! It’s that business trip I told you about. I had to stay so late that I had to cancel my flight home. Now I’m sitting my hotel room and checking my emails. Tomorrow I have a flight back to Portland. Wow. I’m too old for this.
Thank yu! for the photo. You look like a very nice woman. It makes my heart warm that you think we have a connection. I think so to. I promise I will rent the room for you. In your eyes I can see you’re warmth and creativity. Don’t worry I won’t raise the rent.
OK. Now we talk about business. Yes I agree money orders are the most safe and reliable. I don’t like the idea of sending money online. I don’t feel safe. So it’s a good idea to send the money order to my work. My work address is —————————–. But I need to be there to sign for it! We will have to wait for monday.
One more thing!!! I am a creative person. I see your picture and I think you are creative to. But I wan to know that we really have an understanding of each other. Before Monday you must write me a poem. It can be short! Write about being a humanitarian nurse.!!
I need to make sure that we have a artistic connection before you move in.
Email soon!
from staci martin
to ———— <------------@gmail.com>,
date Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 12:44 AM
subject Thank you
mailed-by hotmail
Hi ,
I am very happy for the concern,and i want to thank you for giving me the room,I really appreciate it.Corncerning the humanitaria poem,right now am very busy with work but i want to let You know that i’ll make it up to You and will be arriving by the middle of March but will be mailing the payment to you as soon as i can as i have said,and it will get to you soon,Please let me know if this is okay by You
i want you to know that my furnitures and my car will be delievered before my arrival,please do let me know if you can be there to help me recieve my furnitures and my car ,I won’t cause you any financial problem as i will be including the shipper’s fee in the payment that i’ll be sending …So you will be getting the shipper’s fee and the rent fee together ,You will just deduct your rent fee and keep the shipper’s fee till he comes to deliever my things
Hope you can understand me?
I really appreciate you for u’ve been so nice from the
start.
from ———— <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin
date Fri, 29 Feb 2008 at 1:21 AM
subject Re: Thank you
mailed-by gmail.com
Staci
I wasnn’tt going to tell youy this but I’ve had a cocktail or two and I want you to know this: I am one of the directors of the POrtland Poetry Foundationn. We have scholarships for young poets who want to move to the city! The smallest is $2,000 and the largest is $4,500. The largest is very hard to get. But If I’m right! and you are the poet I thinkk I saw in your eyes, it is very very very likely that I can get you a 2 or $3,000 grant to move to POrtlantd!!
I bring your poem to the rest of the board and tell them about the young talent I have discovered. Guess what is the best part! I have the finall vote on who gets the scholrship. Thisis why I”m pushing you to send me a poem you have written. Because I know you have writen poetry! I know and can tell!! yOu have a poets eyes. YOu have deep eys.
If everything goes right, the foundation will send you a check to help you with moving ccosts before you even send me a rent check.
PLEASE PLEASE tell me if you are not a poet so I do not make a foool of myself in front of my foundation. Maybe I”m wrong. I am sure we can still find a way to have us life together.
Please email soon.
from staci martin
to ———— <------------@gmail.com>,
date Fri, Feb 29, 2008 at 2:57 AM
subject So sorry
mailed-by hotmail
I will have love to write you a poem on humanitarian people,but am not good in written poems.
from ———— <------------@gmail.com>
to staci martin
date Fri, 29 Feb 2008 at 11:11 AM
subject Re: So sorry
mailed-by gmail.com
Staci
I need to apologize. I was under the influence of alcohol last night and I should have never made the promises or suggestions that I did. My work with the Poetry Foundation is not something I publicize very often. It’s work I care about. I’m proud that we give young poets money to move to Portland, but that’s not something that’s OK to talk about all the time. I’m sure you understand that we don’t get a lot of publicity and that’s how we like to keep it. I apologize for forcing that on you.
I hope someday you will try to write some poetry. With your smile and twinkly eyes I think you may be a natural! But that is something you will discover on your own. Remember, simply let your ideas and feelings flow from line to line. With your natural inteligence and creativity you will do well!
I need to go lay down. My head hurts very badly and so does my stomac. I am not used to drinking like that.
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