Saturday I attended my first white-trash wedding. How did I know it was a white-trash wedding? Let me count the ways.
1. First off, I’m no high-brow guy myself, but when the “open bar” won’t serve Captain Morgan or Jimmy Beam because its “too premium,” then I’m pretty sure we’re in white-trash territory. I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time in bars. In fact, my folks used to own a sports bar, but when I can’t even get my hands on some Admiral Nelson forchristsakes, you know your wedding is full on white-trash.
2. It’s not that there’s particularly anything wrong with a white-trash wedding. I just think the wedding planners should have embraced it. Serve Schlitz instead of cheap champagne. Serve fried chicken instead of that strange chicken/salisbury steak abomination. Serve pigs-in-a-blanket….nevermind…they already had that one covered.
3. When the wedding guests have to wait outside the reception area because the staff is cleaning out a bar mitzvah that just ended, well, that’s a pretty good sign we’re white-trashing it up. And, speaking of bar mitzvahs, is it common these days for the newly minted “man” to dress up as some sort of jewish pimp. I’m talking pink pin striped suit, pink top hat, pink cane. Very strange.
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